Monday 2 November 2015

Dating with Bipolar Type II: How Honest is Too Honest? (The Meraki Maiden - Dating Diva Series)



When it comes to dating online, I am always faced with the dilemma of how much I should reveal to someone I've just met. I love communicating - especially online with someone that I seem to have an intellectual connection with. This can be dangerous, though. In my past dating experiences, I have often felt too comfortable too soon; and those skeletons that have been gathering dust and cobwebs in my closet suddenly come rushing out. It can be a real struggle to hold back. I can often be more than just an open book; in fact, some might say I'm a flashing billboard sign.     
I am trying to be more cautious this time, though, and I find myself constantly worrying about what I should reveal and what I should be honest about. These worries stem from the fact that I have been clinically diagnosed with Bipolar Type II, as well as anxiety and depression. 
As if dating wasn't hard enough! 
Although, I have to admit, being diagnosed with BPII has been a blessing in a lot of ways. I have a better understanding of myself and why I react to certain situations the way I do. When I was first diagnosed, I had been in a long-term relationship; but now I'm faced with the challenge of managing my mental illness in the dating world. Yay me!
This is why I think online dating is better suited for me. I don' think I'd have much luck meeting someone new while out with friends at a bar - or any other social setting for that matter. Generally, when out in public, I am the girl with anxiety, that has a natural shyness about her and is constantly hiding in a corner, pondering the meaning of life. Online, however, I am the cool, quirky girl bursting with positive energy and self-confidence. 
Now, most of you ladies can agree with me, that when it comes to online dating, you do find yourself constantly fighting off a range of  'unsuitable' candidates. I tend to catergories the unsuitable into the following: douchebags, creepy old men, let me see more pics because I don't have the ability to connect with you on an intellectual level type, or the dick pic senders - Yes, that right... dick pics... and no I do not request nor appreciate them!
So far, in my online experience I have only met with one person. Let's call him Liverpool, as he is a huge fan of the soccer team.
Liverpool seemed really sweet and genuine, and we seemed to have a lot in common. We also had quite a few mutual acquaintances. So, we communicated via text over a few days and then finally he asked me to meet him for coffee. Coffee went really well, the conversation was flowing, and I found myself questioning whether or not I should mention my mental illness. After some back and forth debating, I finally decided to reveal all. I mentioned being diagnosed, going to counselling and also that my mental illness was the reason for my last break up. He seemed really understanding and open-minded about it all. Overall, I think the coffee date went well...  I haven't heard from him since, though... Perhaps I said a little too much? 
Maybe I did reveal too much too soon. However, to be completely honest, I don't want to have to hide the fact that I'm living with BPII. Granted I am only seeking to gain some new friendships; but what if one of those friendships, become something long term? I would need to be certain, that the other person I choose to be with is going to be understanding and supportive.  
Having a support system is critical to successfully managing bipolar disorder. It shouldn't feel like a secret, however, the reality is, people's reactions will vary immensely. There are  still many people that don't understand the disorder.  
However, everyone is different, and I do know there are people who have had some positive experiences. Hopefully, I will have some too. The search continues, until then.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this. I've never been a part of online dating, but I can imagine the extra piece of trying to decide when to share certain information would complicate things a bit! I was being treated for bipolar 2 for awhile but my doctors decided it was something else. The road to feeling good can be long. I hope you know you are not alone!

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. I've never been a part of online dating, but I can imagine the extra piece of trying to decide when to share certain information would complicate things a bit! I was being treated for bipolar 2 for awhile but my doctors decided it was something else. The road to feeling good can be long. I hope you know you are not alone!

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  3. Thanks for sharing and being so open Lauren. It seems people are usually scared of what they don't understand. I to have the same concerns when meeting someone new. I think to myself, I'll just be me and open. If that person can handle that then where headed in the right direction.

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